CHAPTER THIRTEEN-RECOVERY

Jayson moved Callie's body to the back yard at the far end of the property. Julia had watched from the window in the bedroom. He worked alone. Julia removed the box from the closet, then carried it down the flights of stairs and out the back door. She walked to the edge of the property to the fence area where they'd burned the last bodies that had breeched their safe haven. She set the box in the snow and watched as Jay ignited the body that he'd wrapped in a sheet. Julia nudged the box toward Jay with her foot.

"Burn that too, babe. I don't want it anymore."

Jay lifted the box onto the flames before she could change her mind. "I should have done that along time ago. You would have been mad, but you woulda got over it."

"Tell me about the gun, Jay."

"I buried it in the wood at the end of the street with the knife in a lock box I bought at Walmart. I was going to throw it in the Lake. Something made me lock it up and keep it." He explained. "Do you remember when Andy had me bring the kids to you, because he was worried about you?"

"Of course I do. I was fine."

"That's not the way I remember it, but ok." He shrugged off that comment. "Things happen for a reason. I swear it, they do. I was walking home, down the street there and looked at the wood. You were gone, the kids were gone, my nose still hurt something terrible. Everything was wrong. I had fucked everything up. I fucked up my family, my relationships with you and everyone else. It all went back to that night, I thought. I was at the end. I was alone. It wouldn't have mattered if I was gone. You didn't want me. My family thought I was a joke. So I was on my way to the end of the street. I was gonna dig up the gun and take my last 2 Percocet's. Goodbye world. My grandmother would have found me dead. The kids were safe with you. No one would even miss me."

"What stopped you, Jay?"

Jay smiled. "You texted me. You thanked me for bringing you the kids. You told me you were pretty bad off, remember. But that one little thing I had done made you happy. It's weird. I turned around and walked away. I didn't feel great, but I'd be alright."

"Was that the day your grandmother-"

"Yeah, that put things into perspective. Things went from bad to worse."

"But it got better, right. Before the end."

"Between us. Better than it was in a long time. Started to feel normal again."

They took a seat in the snow, watching the fire burn, the smoke as it curled its way into the morning air upward into the canopy of the trees.

"Were you serious? Do you want to leave this place?" Jay asked. 

"No, Jay. There's no where to go." She replied. "This is going to sound really corny, but as long as we're together, whether it's here, some stupid farm, the road living day to day in the Prius. As long as I'm with you, it's where I want to be."

The house was somber and still that day. Whispers about Callie had circulated, speculation as to why and what happened quietly whispered from person to person. Julia scribed in her notebook, having finished one and then beginning a new one that Jay had given her the day before. She'd break to watch the fire in the fire place. She didn't feel good. She felt hot, she felt congested like a cold.

She slept on and off all day and Luz checked on her around dinner time. Before she even knew what was happening there was a commotion going on around her. Her head was fuzzy. She felt like she was being moved. When she finally woke up she was in the dark. She had an IV running in her arm, she had no clothes on. "Am I dead?" She asked. No one answered her. It was dark. She heard voices around her, worried voices. She felt her self rolling over, back and forth, back and forth. She felt warm and hot all at the same time. Her skin was damp, but sticky.

As time ticked by the voices came and went, she rolled back and forth, back and forth. She eventually felt her left arm sting. "I got it. Give me the bag." Movement all around her. "She's not breathing." Someone said. She heard crying and felt a pressure in her chest, she felt hands on her body, then the pain. 'Dammit, get off me!' Julia screamed as the pain was unbearable. "Don't stop till I say so."

She felt someone pulling on her head, jarring her head back. She had no control, but she felt like she was struggling against whatever was going on.

It was only when she felt a welcoming calm she stopped struggling. She heard a baby crying. She felt like that wailing pulled her as she followed along a path in her bare feet. A green and moss covered path surrounded by high hedge walls and rose of Sharon draped above her, over hanging the hedges. The crying stopped and she was met by a girl in her teens with long black hair, big brown eyes. She had two thin braids on either side of her head, pulled back and clipped with a barrette. She was taller than Julia and she also walked barefoot.

"Hello, come with me." She smiled, a soft inviting smile that looked foreign yet familiar. Her arms were bare and she wore a long white dress.

"Where are we going? Who are you?"

"You know who I am, and we're going home." The child told her, extending her hand for Julia to take. "You've wondered what holding my hand would be like, how skin would feel against yours."

Julia reached for her hand and held it, but they moved no further. "You are Jayla."

Julia felt a jolt and in an instant Jayla was gone and the pain was back. Air gushed into her lungs. Her right arm was squeezed, a hiss of air in her right ear. More air, more pain in her chest.

No, I want to stay with Jayla.

Back to the voices, crying. The screaming stopped. Sobbing. Voices were full of relief. A little less fearful.

"Keep her alive."

When she finally opened her eyes she only saw more darkness.  Little light shined around her, which made her believe it was night time. The light she saw was moonlight through the window. She moved her head, looking around. She recognized the room, Callie's room. She lay in Callie's bed. She knew what was going on. "I'm sick." She said. She heard a chair move and footsteps. She was propped up on pillows and she had some kind of a tube in her nose, which she defiantly ripped out. She was wet like she'd pissed on herself. She felt a hand on her shoulder. Tavin told her to lay back. He flipped the lamp on next to the bed. She tried to breathe in deep, but her chest hurt so bad. She rubbed her chest, wincing as pain shot through her ribcage. He crossed the room to get her some pain medicine, cautioning her not to pull out her IV, to sit still. But it was too late. The IV lay running on the floor and she had her legs over the side of the bed.

"Listen to me, please. I need to check you out."

She attempted weakly to push him away, then realized she was nude. At that point she didn't care.

"Julia, relax please. Focus on me."

"Where is Jay?"

"He's fine. He's asleep, Red."

"Jay!" She tried to yell, but it only hurt pulling air in her lungs.

"I will get Jay. Lay down."

Julia settled on the side of the bed as Tavin placed a bandage on her arm where the IV had been. He started to explain what happened to her. "I know what happened to me." She stopped him. "I need Jay, please."

Tavin scooped her up and set her back on the bed. He covered her. Tavin went to wake Jay. The two came back together. Jay went to the bed and held her hand, sitting beside her. "Jay, Jay, oh , Jay. I saw her Jay. She came to get me." Julia said excited, tears flowing from her eyes. She grabbed onto him and hugged him.

"Saw who, Julia?"

"When I died, I saw Jayla, Jayson. She was beautiful. She came for me."

Julia described how she looked, how she felt, her hand in hers, how soft her skin was. "I was going with her, when you made me come back. You brought me back."

"She's delirious."

"No, I'm not. I was here then I was there and now I'm back here." She said, still crying. She became short of breath. Tavin instructed her on slow, deep breaths. He started another IV, made her lay back in the bed and relax. "What are you giving me?"

"Morphine. Go back to sleep."

"But I'm dirty. I want a bath and -" The morphine was in her bloodstream circulating fast. "Oooh, that feels nice." She cooed, smiling. "I feel nice. Give me more of that, please." She pointed at the IV, kept repeating 'more' till she fell asleep.

"She's not out of the woods yet. She's not going to cooperate with us at all."

"She will. I'll stay with her." Jay volunteered.

"Who is Jayla? She said Jayla came for her." Tavin asked.

Jay handed Tavin the bucket with soap inside it. He left for the bathroom, returning with soapy water. He sat in his chair with Julia's chart and turned away from them as Jay washed her up. She started to come to a little while he washed her, but she just drifted back off to sleep. "Jayla is the baby. We both felt like we were having a girl. And we came up with that name. It's a combination of both our names." Jay answered.

"Well, she sounds like she looks like you, from what Red described. What do you think? Was she dreaming? Was she seeing her?"

Jay didn't answer. He finished washing and drying her, changed the sheets. He placed a towel around her bottom half, pulling it up between her legs, then placed the trash bag beneath her with a towel spread over that. No wet bed, Jay thought.

"Sounds like she heard everything we said and felt everything we did. Why would she be right about that and wrong about Jayla?"

Jay gathered up the linen and the trash and cleared out with it, tossing the laundry in the washer, then the trash on top of the dead. They'd burn it all at the end of the week. He stayed outside, staring at the dead for awhile. He thanked Jayla for not taking her mom, looking up at the canopy of bare trees, gray skies looming above. He started to cry and didn't go back inside till he was long done.

Jay ate had a bowl of soup from Luz and told her how Julia was awake, talking, feeling better. She was still in pain from the chest compressions, but she was awake and alive. He was more optimistic than his brother. Luz gave him a bowl for Julia and he spoon fed her the broth off the soup. Jay argued with her the entire time, reminding her how she had argued with Tom to eat. She was weak and needed to build her strength. No excuses.

Another couple days passed. Jay had her exercising her legs in bed when she was awake. He continued to feed her and bathe her and wait. Tavin backed off the morphine and said she'd come around more without it. Tavin backed off a lot more once she was fully awake and Jay stayed in room with her. On the third day that Julia was awake his brother came to him and told him no more morphine, gathered up the supplies and medicine and left the room. He only said she didn't need it anymore, then left. A few hours later he and Tom were back in the door way and they further explained why the morphine had to be removed. From a medical standpoint, Julia was ready to come off the strong meds. He had Tom with him as a form of moral support as he explained that from a personal standpoint his sobriety was at risk.

Jay sat beside her in the bed, he wrote in her book and documented their day like she would. She watched him for a long while, in and out of the morphine high. "I've been writing everything down for you." He told her when he saw her eyes focused on him.

"Thanks. How long have I been out?"

"This is the third week."

"I've been pissing my pants for that long."

"More than piss, Julia." He mumbled under his breath. "I got to know you in an entirely different way. Just shoot me before you start bathing me and wiping my ass please."

"No way. You're ass will sparkle." Julia told him. "How'd I get sick? What happened?"

"It was after you cleaned up from Callie. Maybe that? Maybe the house where you got the wine for your birthday? I don't know."

"I want out of here. Take me to the bathroom. I want a real shower."

"I already gave you your bath. You're not going anywhere."

"You mean to tell I'm going to be stuck in this room for an undetermined amount of time, nurse Keller?"

'Yes." He answered, getting back to his documentation.

Tavin came in to check on them. He wore gloves. He checked Jay's temp first. Assessed him, asked how he felt. He wrote his findings in Jay's chart. Tavin checked her next, all her vital signs, her mental status, her strength. Her wrote it in her chart next.

"Dr  Keller."

"Yes?"

"Can I have sex or am I restricted on that too? I have this hot nurse here rooming in with me."

"No. Can you let your body heal please?"

"I was kidding, Tav."

"I'm serious. You can't hardly move around now and you think you're going to have strenuous activity and still breathe?"

"If you give me some more morphine?"

"No more morphine."

"No more? Why not?"

"Motrin."

"Where's the morphine?"

"You don't need it."

"But I like it."

"I like it too, which is exactly why there's no more morphine."

"Tavin, did you take my morphine?"

"It's gone. Motrin and Tylenol only."

"You got rid of my morphine?"

"Julia, it was a test and I was about to fail the test." He said. "Jay and me and Tom talked about this earlier." He explained, holding up 2 bottles. "Tylenol or Motrin?"

"Motrin please." She sighed.

Tavin dosed her three motrin tabs and left the room. She knew he had was the only person responsible for his recovery. Jay told her the journey they took to get the IV supplies and the medicine. To and from the local community hospital, the amount of bullets they fired getting in and out of the ward.

"Did everyone make it in and out?"

"No. We lost Rob in the hospital. Fiona died here in the room with you."

"Jay, I missed all that. He died getting supplies for me and Fi?"

"We were too late for Fi."

"The kids. Where are the kids?"

"They're all fine, still running like crazy." He answered. "We thought that Daniel was sick too, but he only had a cold. That was Tavin's call cause I wanted to bring him in here with you two. No fever. Just a river of snot. It ran through all of us, the cold."

"I have to pee, Jay."

"I'll help you. Tom made this thing, it's cool."

A 5 gallon bucket with a bag in it and a pool noodle around the top to sit on so it was soft on the buttocks when she sat down. He threaded the toilet paper roll through the handle of the bucket and reattached it. "Too cute, Jay." Jay guided her off the bed and helped her to her feet. Her skinny legs wobbled beneath her. "Hold me up, babe. I'm gonna fall."

"I won't let you fall." He assured her, holding her beneath her arms. He set her down gently on the makeshift potty.

"Jay can you like leave?"

"No." He answered.  "The antibiotics have been giving you the shits if that's what you mean."

"Jay, oh God, this is embarrassing."

"I told you, Julia, I have seen a whole new side to you."

"No, Jay. This is just taking our relationship to a whole new level."

"You had your period." He said. He was trying to make her comfortable.

"No, stop it. No more talking. No more listening, please stop." She asked of him as she reeled from embarrassment and tears welled up in her eyes.

"I'm your nurse, remember."

"My ass hurts."

"I have cream for that too."

"Don't you dare tell me I have diaper rash."

"Well, that's what he said it looked like."

"He who? You let him stare at my ass, Jayson."

"Not like he hasn't seen it before."

Jay helped her up, cleaned her up, applied her cream, and put her back in bed. He held up the towel and she stopped him. "No more towels."

"Fold it up under your ass. Keep the cream off the bed. I washed those sheets, babe."

Julia was released from the room in time for dinner. A lot had changed in the time she'd been sick. She'd been gone for 5 weeks. She was withdrawn through dinner, but happy that she got to see the kids who'd been kept from her through out her illness. Everyone welcomed her back, giving her hugs and swarming her with a sense of relief unlike she'd ever felt from them before. No one tried to catch her up on what had gone on through her absence, but she'd read back through the book, deciphering Jay's sloppy handwriting entry by entry. Most of their accomplishments had been food runs and dealing with problems that sprung up. They'd had no breeches, the farmhouse was still ready and waiting for their arrival. Evening meeting had begun and Jay slid the book across the table to her. She took notes and wrote the day's activities as well as their morning plans. She'd been distracted by Tatia playing in the living room several times. She'd come to her to grasp her hand and pull her away. The third time, Julia stopped writing and slid the book across the table to Jay.

"I quit." She said, scooping up Tatia onto her hip. She walked away from the table and went in the living room to play with her.

No one complained outright and no one followed after her or argued with her. "It's too soon. Jay, take over." Tavin nodded.

Spending weeks in the room sick and surviving gave her a lot of time to think. Mostly she thought of Jayla. If Julia closed her eyes she could see the girl, her olive skin, her white dress, her captivating brown eyes, the sound of her voice. She played with the kids and talked with them and listened to their stories for hours, giving them the attention they'd lacked from her through out their journey from Maverick to this fenced mini-fortress. Enough time had passed that a new dynamic in their group had formed. Having temporarily lost Julia didn't make them weaker, it pushed them to band together and just deal with things. They did it effectively and they survived with out her at the helm.

Chess was the first to make his way to her, sitting next to her on the sofa as Julia held a sleeping toddler. She'd sent the others off to ready themselves for bed. "Did you really quit?" He asked.

"I'm not giving up."

"Alrighty then. Want me to take her up?"

"Yes, please." She nodded. She let Chess take Tatia off her chest.

"Christ, she's heavy." He complained, adjusting her on his chest.

She watched Chess leave with Tatia up the stairs. Released from one room to sit in another. Their numbers had dwindled and the table settings were smaller. She felt like shit. Tavin was right. She wasn't strong yet. How long would it take to feel normal again? Julia got off the sofa  and started clearing the table from dinner. She placed the dishes in the sink, listened to them talk and argue and make decisions. She washed the dishes, placed them in the rack to dry. She was bored, but felt lucky to feel bored. She felt alone in a room full of plotting people, like she wasn't even there. Alone in her head in her own world, chest feeling better but achy. As she listened to them argue, she finished cleaning up. Grunt work. No one jumped to help her do dishes. A woman's work. She looked at the girls in the group at the table. Only Cassidy sat there. The lone female surrounded by the males at the table. Julia dried her hands, then went looking for Hayley and Jess.

She found the girls on the second floor together, packing boxes and crates and baskets. She watched them work, figuring they were moving soon. She over heard bits and pieces of the meeting and suddenly felt out of the loop. They didn't know she was there and left it that way as she walked away and down the hall to the steps. She met Kelly on the steps, coming down from tucking in the kids. She may have moved out of the attic, but her brothers were up there still, tucked away high in the house.

She followed Kelly to the kitchen where she sat beside Tavin, holding his hand as he finished up the meeting. Julia stood beside Jay. "Why are the girls upstairs packing while meeting is going on?"

They stared at her. "That is not how meeting is run. Everyone is in on meeting. You can't have people out of the loop, that's the point to meeting."

"Things have changed, Julia."

"Jay-"

"Anyone have anything else?" Jay asked. He looked at Julia who was about to open her mouth. "Not you."

"Meeting closed."

Packing. That's what her life amounted to after the meeting. She packed. Jay had given her the job of a lifetime. He didn't ask, he ordered. He had grown into his new role, having been groomed by her and his brother for so long. The only difference between Jay and Julia is Julia explained things and Jay didn't make time for that. There was so much testosterone flowing around the meeting table that it scared the females away, except for Cass who wasn't scared of anything. But Cass wasn't a normal girl and these weren't normal affairs.

"The group is small and the chicks we have we're not risking their lives. Period, end of story."

"What about giving them a choice about the matter?" Julia argued.

"It's different out there now, Julia. You don't know. They've migrated in from the cities. The ones that evacuated, they're dead and they're here, too."

"Should we be moving then right now?" Julia complained.

"Yeah, we need to move further out." Jay replied. "Julia, if you're bothered by the plan, sit it out. Sit out the meetings."

"I shouldn't have to, no one should."

"You quit, didn't you? Take all these questions to Tavin."

"This is not the way it was originally supposed to be." She said angrily. She picked up the box in front of her and threw it at him. "Pack your own shit."

She stomped through the house to Tavin and Kelly's room. She pushed open the door. Kelly jumped a foot, not expecting anyone to walk in. She was packing up their clothes. "Where is he?" Julia asked.

"Out at the truck."

She made her way through the house to the outside, the truck was parked in front of the door. The dead circled their fence, arms and heads trying to push through. She went to the truck and grabbed a pole with a knife on the end of it. She took a place beside Tavin as he killed them one by one, she jabbed at them along side him.

"Is this the master plan, Tavin?" She asked, scaring him a bit. He hadn't expected to hear her voice behind him. She jabbed one in the eye. It dropped outside the fence in a heap of old bones and flesh.

"I'm doing the best I can here." He told her.

"Where the hell is everyone at? And don't give me some bullshit answer like Jayson does. Why are the girls in the house packing when they should be out here killing these things? These are the easiest ones to kill and they'd get used to killing them if you let them or trained them."

"No." He yelled at her.

"Why?"

"Because I said so."

She swung the pole and whacked Tavin across his shoulders. He turned around to her and she whacked him again across the face and kicked him backwards to the ground. Before he got up she had the knife pointed at his forehead. "You fucker, that's how it's done." She yelled.  "Get them girls out here and show them how it's done. And you pack your own fucking shit, Keller." She backed off him and let him up. 

"You're back." He grinned, stepping off toward the house.

"I'm back." She nodded. "And another thing, Andy and Rey are not girls."

Julia, Jay and Tavin spent a good part of the afternoon teaching the girls, Andy and Rey how to stab a zombie in the head. Once they got the hang of it, they three stood back and watched as they became slayers.  "Never seen such a bunch of pussies in my life." Julia mumbled to them out of breath. "They're the easiest to kill."

"From the sound of it they're killing you. Take a break."  Tavin said. "Doctor's orders."

"I'm fine. It's the most activity other than dishwashing I've had in awhile."

They watched Andy stab a walker in the head through the fence. It lodged firmly in the jaw, not the brain and the walker went nuts, snarling and growling, swinging its body and head. Andy left the pole go, which was a bad idea and as the zom thrashed the pole swung and hit Andy in the head, knocking him out.

"Team work, people. Teamwork." Jay called, jogging over to the fence. He pulled the pole out as Hayley stabbed it in the head again. "Hay, you let the thing knock out Andy. That can't happen. You have to have your eyes on them and your teammates. OK?"

"Ok, got it, Jay." She nodded.

Tavin checked out Andy, rousing him and getting him back to his feet. Andy took the pole and wanted to continue despite Tavin trying to pull him out of the game. He took the pole from Andy's hand and told him to go get some ice and apply it.

Julia took the book at evening meeting from Jay. She started evening meeting and looked around the table as they detailed the events of the day at the farmhouse. They'd readied the perimeter, spikes and medieval shit in place as Chess described it. It was sturdy and functional and they already had a few deaths on those spikes. They'd reinforced the fence with chicken wire. They'd spent the last few weeks working their asses off doing it and finally they were finished. The next project to begin would be the solar power installation. A crew of three would be installing while they moved in.

"But what if the solar power doesn't work?"

"It will work." Tom said confidently.

"But what if there's an unforeseen problem and the project is delayed, then you have our food spoiling and no solar power."

"It will work." Tom repeated.

"I'm not doubting you or your skills or your experience. I'm thinking about the curveball that we always have thrown at us."

"You were one of those curveballs and we made due."

"It will work." Julia said. "How long does it take to hook it all up?"

"Preliminary will take a day's work, day two is half a day's work and we should be good to go. I explained this to you before."

"I'm a little foggy is all." Julia said. "Ok, when morning or?"

"We take a day off. We need to finish packing up, start loading trucks. Take this to the bare minimum. We're not coming back for anything."

"Good. Anyone? Any other issues?"

"We're sore." Andy said, raising his hand.

"We'll get you some Motrin or Tylenol. All four of you did a good job today. I expect the 4 of you back on the fence first thing."

"How long do we have to do that?" Andy complained.

"Till you're comfortable killing them. And don't get hurt in the process." Julia pointed her pen at his black eye.

"Are you back now?" Cass grumbled.

"In a relaxed way. I'm not as strong as I was. But yes."

"Thank God." Cass smiled. "Welcome back."

"We had a meeting today while you were gone. Does anyone have a problem with me resuming my place or do you want to vote or-"

No one said anything. "Ok, meeting's closed."